


Simple Steps

by glitchedmirrors



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Brotherly Love, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 21:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14723534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitchedmirrors/pseuds/glitchedmirrors
Summary: When Saeyoung finds Saeran having an anxiety attack, he gets MC to help by going over some simple steps to ground his thoughts.





	Simple Steps

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this came from an anxiety attack of my own. I don’t know how many people will actually want to read about such things, but, if anything, it helped me. Writing this was very therapeutic and I’m glad I got it all done. Especially since it kept sitting in the back of my head until I worked on it. Please note that the descriptions of what Saeran is going through are based entirely on my own anxiety attacks, and will not be accurate to everyone who deals with them.

Mint eyes scanned the room warily, Saeran’s breathing coming out in short, quick gasps as he tried to make sense of the world around him. He wasn’t even sure what had brought on this feeling of breathlessness, like the air around him was trying to choke the life out of him. But, it had brought him to his knees in the middle of the livingroom in the bunker. Saeran’s arms curled tightly around himself, as if trying to hold himself to reality. It was all he could do not to scream, not that he thought he could with how erratic his breathing was in this particular moment. What was he doing just before this? Saeran couldn’t remember, as the tv in the room wasn’t even on. It was rare for him to leave his room for very long, so he really couldn’t be sure what he was thinking before these feelings had settled in.

Unable to keep himself sitting up, Saeran allowed his body to slump onto the floor, curling in on himself further as his breathing hitched. If he had been in even a slightly better state of mind, Saeran probably would have wondered where his twin was. Although he still hated seeming weak in front of anyone, he knew that his brother of all people would likely be able to help him. But right now, those thoughts were gone. All the red-haired man could think of was how he felt like he was dying. His breathing being so rapid was causing his chest to hurt, and he could already feel the familiar sting of tears forming in his eyes. God, why did this hurt so much?

“Saeran? Where are you?” Saeyoung’s voice called out, and Saeran could easily hear the edge to it.

He wanted desperately to respond to his twin, but all that came out was a strangled sob. Footsteps sounded nearby, growing louder as Saeyoung came closer. Saeran watched as his brother’s feet and legs came into his view, and he wished he could look up to his twin’s face, but instead, his eyes closed tight, the tears that were welling there finally spilling over onto his cheeks.

“Shit. Saeran, are you okay?” his twin’s voice was calm, but Saeran could still hear the hint of worry embedded in his words. Why did this have to happen now? Saeyoung was finally backing off from being so clingy towards him after having rescued him from Mint Eye, and Saeran knew that this was just going to set things back again.

“No...” he’d manage to wheeze out in response, his breath hitching again. His delicate frame shook as he clutched tighter at his arms, fingernails digging into the flesh there. “No. Nononononono _no_ -” It was all he could say, the word rushing from his mouth over and over again, sounding more and more desperate each time.

It didn’t take long for Saeyoung to figure out what was going on. His brother was having an anxiety attack, and a really bad one by the looks of it, just based on the way Saeran seemed to be immobilized on the floor. The older twin had dealt with them before, too. What were the things you had told him before? The different things that usually helped ground him to reality again? Golden eyes gazed down at Saeran, and anything that Saeyoung could remember immediately flew out of his head. It hurt him to see his twin in such a state, especially one that was far worse than Saeyoung could remember dealing with. Or maybe he had and he just didn’t know how it looked to those around him? Either way, Saeyoung knew that he couldn’t leave Saeran alone like this. He needed your help.

“Saeran, just stay here. I’m... I’m gonna go get MC. She’ll know what to do, okay?” his voice was getting higher and higher as his own anxiety rose. He wished desperately that he could be his brother’s grounding point, but, he knew that it was better to get your help than to try to do this on his own.

All Saeran could hear was the shuffle of his brother’s feet as he walked – no, ran – out of the room. The younger twin wasn’t sure how you could help. He still didn’t even really trust you despite the fact that you were living with him and his twin now. And he certainly didn’t want you seeing him in this state anyhow! Just the thought had his stomach clenching into knots, a wave of nausea hitting him now. Another sob and a small whimper would escape from him, and his body convulsed with the sobs that were starting up more heavily now.

It had been nearly a year since he had been rescued from Mint Eye, and many months since Saeyoung had gotten him out of the hospital. But, the thought of Mint Eye sent his mind reeling again. Whenever these attacks had hit him when he was there, he was met with punishment. More elixir being poured down his throat, sometimes so forcefully that he’d choke on it. Sometimes he’d even throw it back up. It had been awful. His stomach clenched again, and Saeran could swear he could feel the bile rising into the back of his throat. He’d swallow it back, clenching his eyes shut again. There was no way he was letting this get to him that badly. He needed to stop thinking about those days...

Thankfully, Saeran could hear his twin shouting something. He couldn’t quite make out the words, all sounds having begun to get hazy. Other than the faint shouting, all Saeran could hear was a ringing sound. His brain felt like static, and he couldn’t focus on anything anymore.

You had been dragged into the room by your boyfriend, not fully knowing what was going on. All Saeyoung had gotten out before dragging you in here was “Saeran”, so, you knew  _something_  must have happened to the other twin, but you couldn’t be sure what until you saw him. You let out a gasp as you saw him curled up on the floor, slight traces of blood on his arms and fingertips because he had dug his nails much deeper into his flesh than he realized. Seeing the state he was in, you doubt he could even feel the pain of it.

“MC, please help...” Saeyoung would plead, one of his hands gripping at your shirt. Looking over at him, you’d see the panic in his golden eyes. Your heart hurt seeing how worried your boyfriend looked. He was used to dealing with his own anxiety, seeing his brother like this must be causing him so much pain. You’d give him a gentle, reassuring smile. Of course you would help.

“Sh-show him the steps you showed me before, MC. I think he could really use them,” he’d whisper out, glancing down at his shaking twin.

You’d pull Saeyoung into a hug, and you could feel how much he was shaking as well. Leaning up slightly, you’d leave a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Of course. But first... Saeyoung, I’m sorry, but I need you to breathe and try to relax for a moment. I know you’re worried for Saeran, but, you freaking out is going to make his anxiety attack worse.” Saeyoung’s eyes widened at your words, and he felt a stabbing sensation in his heart. It hurt to hear, but, he knew you were right. “Step out for a moment if you need to, okay?”

Your boyfriend would sniffle slightly, and you could see the tears in his golden eyes, but, he’d nod in response. You’d place a gentle kiss on his lips and hugged him a little tighter to you, feeling him relax slightly as you did so. He’d be the one to pull away, though, looking you deep in the eyes. “O-okay. I can do that MC. Thank you. Just... please help him,” he’d say, closing his eyes as he awaited your response.

“Of course. You have my word,” you’d respond, kissing him again before turning your attention to his twin. Satisfied with your response, Saeyoung would slip away into another room, trying to focus on his breathing so that he could come back.

While he was out, you decided to sit on the floor, trying to bring yourself down to Saeran’s level, not wanting him to feel like you were looking down on him. Saeran opened his eyes, looking at you with a very clear amount of panic. Having gotten closer to him, you could hear how erratic his breathing was, and could see just how much he was shaking.

Saeran’s thoughts were racing, not really focusing on any one thing, however. When you sat down nearby, he instinctively flinched, almost as if he was was expecting something. But whatever that something was... it didn’t happen. Mint eyes opened, and they gazed up at you. He still couldn’t breathe, and he could still feel the tears that were currently rolling down his cheeks, but somehow... seeing you looking at him as calmly as you were, he could feel his heart rate calming, even if only a little bit. There was no pity in your eyes, only warmth and love. Not the same love he saw you look at his brother with, but, love nonetheless. Another sob would escape from him, and he found himself looking away. God, how could you look at him like this? How come you didn’t seem to think he was weak and pathetic for being like this? His hands released his arms and lifted to his head, tearing at his red hair.

You wanted desperately to reach out to Saeran, but chose not to. You knew if you touched him in any way, he was liable to retaliate, and you didn’t want to overwhelm him. Little did you know, he was desperate for you to hold him, for anyone to hold him. But, he refrained from vocalizing these thoughts, unable to get any words out at all.

“Saeran? I need you to try and sit up. Do you think you can do that for me?” you’d ask, still holding him in your gaze. He had to think for a moment. Could he do that? Could he sit up? Nodding slightly, Saeran would shift around. His arms felt weak as he lifted himself up, and he struggled for a moment, but, knowing you were there if something went wrong, he managed to sit up. He leaned his back against the nearby couch, and his arms wrapped around his knees, pulling them tight to his body.

“Good, Saeran... you’re already doing so good,” you’d say softly. There was still panic in Saeran’s mint eyes as he gazed back at you, but, it was a start. He stared at you expectantly, waiting to hear what you’d say next.

“Alright, this next part is going to be a bit harder, okay? But we’re doing this in steps,” you’d say. Saeran would nod again, his lips pursing as he waited.

“First off... I want you to name five things you can see. If you need to look around a bit, please do. There’s no rush.”

Saeran’s eyes closed for a moment as he took in a deeper breath, trying to steady himself. Opening his eyes again he’d turn his head to look around the room. For a livingroom it was pretty bare, honestly. But, it had more to it than he remembered from the livingroom in the home he and his twin had grown up in. Thinking of that home made his breath hitch and he was nearly gasping again, but, seeing your eyes gazing back at him when he turned to look at you helped him to steady his breathing. “I... I see your eyes. Not golden like Saeyoung’s. And not... mint... like mine. Your eyes are...” he’d stop himself for a moment, thinking, “very pretty.” He’d sigh as he said the words, a blush forming on his cheeks.

“Thank you Saeran. Now, what’s another thing you can see?” you’d say in response. You didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that he was clearly flustered, but, you did appreciate his compliment. He didn’t give them often, and especially not to you, and it made your heart swell with pride that he was opening up to you even in the smallest of ways. Though, you knew it was probably taking a lot out of him to allow you to see him in this state in the first place.

“Hmm... I... I can see the tv. It’s off right now, and I can see our reflections in it. But...” he’d hesitate, trying to find the right words. “Sometimes you and Saeyoung will get me to watch movies with you on it. I like the moments of peace it brings,” he’d whisper the last part, and you had to strain to hear him. But, you smiled at him in response.

“Keep going,” you’d urge. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Saeyoung sneaking back into the room, his hair dishevelled, but, he had clearly calmed down.

“I can see Saeyoung’s glasses. The yellow and black of the frames look ridiculous, but... they’re still very Saeyoung,” Saeran would say with a nervous chuckle, turning his gaze towards his brother. Saeyoung flinched for a moment at his twin’s words, clearly not having expected them, and you could see the red that flushed his cheeks.

“I also see the painting of an orchid I did in therapy. I thought it looked terrible, but Saeyoung framed it and hung it up on the wall in here anyways,” Saeran would say, his tone pained as he fought back tears. His breathing sped up again, and both you and Saeyoung worried he was going to start hyperventilating again.

“I... I hung it up because you made it Saeran. And... MC insisted that it was important to have your influence in here, too,” Saeyoung would whisper. He’d sit down beside you then, leaning his head against your shoulder. You’d gently grab one of his hands in your own, circling a thumb over his skin in a comforting manner. You could tell that Saeyoung was still a little on edge.

“And...” Saeran stopped, his eyes trying to seek out another thing that he could say. Nothing else in this room seemed important enough in his eyes though, and that realization made him clutch tightly at his knees. He’d frown, leaning his head on his knees and sighing. He had been doing so well, and now here he went fucking up again. “I... I can’t. I can’t... can’tcan’tcan’t-” he’d start repeating, letting out a sob.

“Hey, no. You can, Saeran. I told you, you don’t need to rush yourself. I promise,” you’d say, deciding to reach out to him now, gently resting a hand on his head.

Saeran would flinch, hissing through clenched teeth as he looked at you in shock. For a brief moment, you thought you saw anger flashing in his eyes. But, quickly, that anger turned to sadness, and he allowed himself to lean into your touch, whimpering a little, his eyes closing again. You’d find yourself humming a little, just trying to stop the silence from getting too deafening. Saeyoung would smile and hum along with you, nuzzling into your shoulder as you did so. He loved when you did this, and he hoped that him joining in would coax Saeran into speaking again. And surprisingly, it seemed to work. Saeran would look at you and his twin again, eyes still showing the pain and anxiety he was feeling.

“I really can’t think of anything else...” he’d say, his breath catching in his throat.

“That’s okay, Saeran. The anxiety attack is probably muddling your thoughts a little right?” you’d ask, earning a nod in response. “I understand. Your doctor prescribed you Ativan, right? Do you want to try taking that? It might help you go through these steps a little more easily if you have that calming your nerves, too. It... it’ll make you sleepy later, but, if you’re willing to try it, it is an option.”

Saeran’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Wait, how do you know that?”

“I can answer that,” Saeyoung would say calmly, looking over at you for a moment before looking back at his twin. “MC struggles with anxiety, too. She has to take it sometimes to help herself,” he’d finish.

“Wait, really?” Saeran would say, undisguised shock in his voice.

“Yes, really,” you’d answer with a chuckle. “That’s why I want to help you, Saeran. I know how tough this is, I swear.”

“Th-then... okay. I’d... I’d like to try that,” he’d say, a little more confidence creeping into his voice as he tried to smile at you. The smile wouldn’t last long, however, as he thought of something. “I... I don’t think I can get up to get it though.”

Saeyoung would smile at his twin, pulling a bottle out of the pocket of his hoodie. “Don’t worry about it. I went and grabbed it for you while I was doing my breathing exercises. I, uhh... I had a feeling that MC would suggest it eventually,” he’d say, blushing hard as you beamed at him with pride.

You’d take the bottle out of his hand, popping off the cap and carefully shaking out a single pill into your hand before handing it to Saeran. “I don’t know if the doctor told you exactly how to take that, so, I’ll tell you now. Stick that under your tongue and let it dissolve. It’ll taste pretty gross if you get it on your tongue itself, but, it should start kicking in pretty quickly.”

Saeran followed your directions, sitting with his mouth closed for a few minutes as the three of you waited. You couldn’t help but giggle as Saeran made a face, obviously having shifted his tongue in a way that allowed the dissolving pill to end up there so he could taste it. “You were right, that was gross.”

“I know, I know. But, trust me, it’ll help,” you’d say, giggling again, earning you a small glare from Saeran.

Saeyoung would let out a small laugh watching you two, and Saeran couldn’t help but smile weakly at his brother. Saeyoung would beam right back, genuinely happy that he got even the smallest smile from his twin. “So, now that you’ve gotten that out of the way... You still need to say one last thing you can see, right?”

Saeran would tense up at his brother’s words, the panic in his eyes coming back. “Uh... yeah, I guess so...” he would whisper, leaning forward to rest his chin in one hand. His eyes would dart around the room, trying to think of something that he could focus on enough to talk about. And then he caught sight of the perfect thing, and he’d let out the smallest chuckle before pointing towards something behind you and Saeyoung. “That picture of the three of us. Saeyoung insisted we take it the day that you moved in MC.”

You heart skipped a beat at the thought, and you turned to look at the picture yourself. Saeyoung gave you a nervous glance, and you couldn’t help but wonder if the two of you were thinking the same thing. But before either of you could say anything, Saeran continued his train of thought. “I was... really scared about you moving in. I was still really reluctant about trusting Saeyoung, and the thought of you living with us, too... It wasn’t even that I didn’t trust you. It was moreso... I was worried about hurting you,” he’d finish, and you could see that he was struggling to breathe again. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, and you found yourself wondering if he had a headache with the look he was giving you, his eyes dark.

“W-why were you worried about that?” you’d ask, unable to stop the stutter.

“I... I don’t know if I can talk about that yet. There’s... still a lot I need to work out in my head. And I haven’t even talked to my therapist about this yet,” he’d say, and you could tell by the way his eyes darted around the room that he was looking for any way that he could escape.

Saeran found himself struggling against an unseen force. Maybe it was the talking about it, even vaguely, that had brought this presence on more strongly. He knew though that he needed to fight it, especially since he could feel his brain becoming static again. He needed more distractions from what he was feeling. “So... what’s the next step?”

“Oh! Right... After the five things you can see... try to list out four things you can touch,” you’d respond, smiling again. You could tell he was having a hard time of things, but, you were glad that he hadn’t run away, and seemed to be actively seeking out your help.

“Four things I can touch?”

“Yeah! You don’t need to go quite as into detail as you did for the things you could see if you don’t want. Although that was really good for you to do that! You’re doing so good with this, you know that?” you’d reassure him. You could see Saeyoung nodding in agreement out of your peripheral, smiling at his brother as well.

“Well... I guess the first thing is the couch. The feeling of it against my back right now is comforting. It’s... it’s keeping me sitting up, haaa-” he’d sigh out, clutching at his head for a moment. Everything going on was definitely giving him a headache.

“Good. That’s good. Go ahead and keep going Saeran,” Saeyoung was the one to speak this time.

Saeran would shoot his brother a pained smile, but, it was a smile nonetheless. “Right... Uhm... the second thing I can touch... is the floor. It’s cold to touch when I run my fingers across it. It contrasts the warmth I feel from the couch,” he’d continue, actually choosing to run one hand along the section of floor right beside him. You could tell that he was finding it important to touch everything as he worked through his thoughts.

“Am I... am I allowed to list the last two things together?” he’d suddenly ask, his head perking up as he gazed at you and his twin expectantly, his voice raising in pitch ever so slightly.

“If you’d like.”

“Then... the last two things I can touch... are you and Saeyoung,” he’d say, though the words were slightly muffled as he leaned his face into his knees.

“Is that your way of saying you’d like to hold our hands like we’re doing with one another?” Saeyoung would tease gently. You’d quickly elbow your boyfriend in the stomach, causing him to let out a little ‘oof’ before chuckling. It was true though, your fingers were twined together with his, having done so to keep yourselves calm as you helped Saeran with his anxiety.

“Ignore your brother. Would you like to hold our hands though? Because if that’s what you need right now, then that’s okay. And we won’t let you go until you’re ready,” you’d say, your voice gentle.

Saeran would look up at the two of you again, lifting his head slightly. He’d release his grip on his knees to hold his hands out to the two of you. “Please. I... I would really appreciate it,” he would mumble out, his face flushing red. He felt so uncomfortable asking this of you two, but, he needed it so badly. He just wanted to feel even a shred of the comfort you gave to Saeyoung. He wanted – no, needed – to feel that comfort, too. Both you and Saeyoung reached out your free hands in response, allowing him to thread his fingers with yours.

“Better?” you and Saeyoung would ask in unison.

“Yes, thank you,” Saeran would respond, smiling shyly at the two of you. However, it was then that he did something that neither you nor Saeyoung were expecting. Saeran shuffled closer to the two of you, releasing your hands again and pulling you both into a hug. His body shook as he held the two of you, helping you to realize even further just how terrified he truly was. All the two of you could do in response was hug him back, holding him tight. Your hand came up to stroke his hair gently, and you could hear him start sobbing into your shoulder. Saeyoung rested his chin on the top of his brother’s head, his arm still wrapped tightly around his brother’s middle.

Saeran clung to the two of you as if his life depended on it. The three of you sitting mostly in silence as he sobbed, though, it seemed as though he was beginning to calm. The warmth he felt from the two of you felt so nice, and Saeran could feel his muscles beginning to relax as he leaned more into the hug. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was okay to stay like this? If it was okay for him to be so clingy and needy. He hardly ever openly allowed Saeyoung to touch him, let alone hug him like this... But here he was, clinging desperately to you and his twin. He wasn’t sure if he could even remember a time where he felt as loved as he did now in the arms of you two. Actually, he was fairly certain he had never been held as tightly as this. At the very least, Saeran supposed he understood now why Saeyoung was so clingy, because this truly felt amazing.

Lifting his head up from your shoulder, Saeran would look at the two of you as if he wanted to say something. Taking a brief moment to collect his thoughts, the younger twin would take a slow, deep breath. “So... W-what’s the next step?” he’d finally ask. His face was flushed, and it was obvious he was trying to draw attention away from the physical affection that he was currently receiving.

You didn’t respond for a moment, humming quietly as you continued stroking Saeran’s hair. Your fingers were buried in his red locks, the tips just starting to massage his scalp. Mint eyes would widen in surprise at the sensation, and Saeran’s cheeks would deepen in colour. However, once the initial shock was gone, the younger twin found himself leaning further into your hand, his eyes beginning to drift closed. Saeyoung would let out a laugh, accidentally shaking his twin in the process. “Aw man, you’re stealing all the good head pets now? I’m jealous,” he would say, still laughing, a slight tone of mock hurt.

“Oh hush, Saeyoung. Let your brother enjoy this for a moment,” you’d chastise before returning to humming softly. Saeran made no comment in response to any of it, clearly too nervous about what was going on to make any sort of rebuttal towards his twin. You could see the panic in his eyes, and you wished you could get into his head to have any clue as to what he was thinking.

“Anyways, you said you wanted to know the next step, right?” you’d ask. Saeran would nod, diverting his gaze away from you for now.

“Three things you can hear,” Saeyoung would speak up, having remembered this one himself.

“Yes, that’s right. List three things you can hear,” you’d say, turning your head to smile at your boyfriend. Saeyoung would beam back at you for a moment before stealing a quick kiss from you, earning himself a giggle in response out of surprise.

“Your laugh,” Saeran would say suddenly, causing you and Saeyoung to look back to him, not having expected such a quick response. The younger twin would look you in the eyes then, and you could see so much admiration hidden there, just beyond his panic. “Y-your laugh...” he’d say again, hesitating for a moment when he realized you were looking at him now. “It’s one of the loveliest sounds I’ve ever heard. Not boisterous like Saeyoung’s, but, calm and gentle. And I... I r-really enjoy hearing it.”

You could feel the heat creeping into your cheeks. You had already been taken off guard once with Saeran’s earlier compliment about your eyes, and now he was complimenting your laugh? You found yourself amazed at all the progress your boyfriend’s twin was making tonight. You just wished it hadn’t taken the anxiety attack to get him to make this progress. “Th-thank you, Saeran. I really appreciate you saying that,” you’d respond, noticing that Saeran’s eyes seemed to light up when you did so.

“Y-you’re welcome, MC...” he’d stutter out, squeezing you and his brother tighter again. You’d both squeeze him back, and it was easy to tell that he was shaking less. Hearing you thank him for the compliment made his heart swell, and he found himself wanting to compliment you more. He wanted you to never let go, and continue praising him for his progress like you had been doing tonight. He couldn’t help but curse himself for not allowing you close before, but, it was too late to change how he had acted prior to now. He pushed the thought out of his head, knowing that you and Saeyoung likely wouldn’t want him beating himself up over it too much.

“I also... can hear my breathing. It’s quieter, and less rapid than it was before all this started. And... it’s not making me feel like I’m choking anymore,” he’d admit, gripping at you and Saeyoung a little tighter.

“Yes, you’re doing so good, Saeran,” you’d whisper. You leaned forward a bit and left a gentle kiss on the younger twin’s forehead. It was supposed to be an act of reassurance, but, Saeran flinched back and stared at you with a fear in his eyes that you hadn’t been expecting. Your heart twinged with pain and you realized you had probably made a mistake. Saeran was clearly distraught over it, but, he made no attempt to pull further away, as your fingers were still tangled in his hair. So, he was still close enough to touch.

Seeing the sadness in your eyes, Saeran realized he had reacted poorly. “Shit. I-I-I’m really sorry MC. I just... wasn’t... expecting you to do that,” he’d whisper, averting his gaze. Without thinking, he leaned against your hand again, allowing you to return to massaging his scalp. It felt so nice, and he wished desperately that this could happen more often. “I’ve only ever seen you do that with Saeyoung, so, it was kinda... hmmm...” he’d trail off, feeling embarrassed at how childish he was being.

“It’s okay, Saeran,” Saeyoung was the one to respond, giving his twin a gentle squeeze. “MC doesn’t kiss me just because we’re dating, you know. She doesn’t see it as a wholly intimate thing. Small kisses like that are one of the ways she shows appreciation and comfort,” he’d explain for you. You would nod in agreement. “She’s definitely done at least things like that to Zen and Yoosung, too.”

“Although, Saeyoung definitely gets the most kisses because we’re dating,” you’d say with a giggle. Saeyoung couldn’t help but blush, looking away from you sheepishly. “I’m really sorry if I startled you though, Saeran. I probably should have explained that before touching you so suddenly. Especially right now. I crossed over a boundary and I didn’t mean to.”

“Oh! No, no, no! It’s okay, MC... You... you didn’t do anything wrong,” Saeran would say in a hurry, clearly wanting to comfort you in return. “I.. actually kind of liked it. I’m sorry for pulling away.”

“Don’t be sorry, Saeran. But, if you liked it, then... here,” you’d say before pulling him closer to you again, your lips gently pressing to his forehead again. Saeran’s eyes would drift closed, and he’d let out a little hum of contentment at the feeling. When you pulled away again, Saeran would lean forwards, resting his head against your shoulder again.

“I... I know what the last thing I can hear is. Or at least... what I’d like it to be,” he would whisper, and you and Saeyoung had to strain to hear him. “You... you were humming earlier. I’d... really love if you could do that again, it was very relaxing.”

It was such a simple request, but one you were happy to oblige in. You would begin humming a soft tune, closing your eyes as you did so. Saeran would sink into the warmth of your and Saeyoung’s arms, feeling like he could stay here forever if he was allowed to do so. Continuing the song you were humming, you couldn’t help but think a little deeper about the way Saeran had asked.

It reminded you so much of a time before you and Saeyoung had managed to rescue his twin. Before the two of you even had gone to Mint Eye to confront him in the first place actually. You and Saeyoung had gotten onto the bed in Rika’s apartment, Saeyoung’s head in your lap as he drifted off from the exhaustion of the days prior to that moment. You were stroking his hair, much like you were currently doing with Saeran’s, and he had asked you to sing for him. To this day, you still had no idea what the redheaded hacker had been thinking by asking such a thing of you. But also like now, you had obliged. It was still one of your favourite memories of being with Saeyoung, and it made you happy to be thinking of it now. It was amusing to you how similar the twins could be to one another, and yet... they were still so vastly different, too.

“Are you ready for the next step, Saeran?” you’d ask, still humming a little when you weren’t speaking.

“Hmm?” Saeran would open his eyes to look at you, rubbing at them with one hand. You wondered if maybe he had drifted off to sleep for a moment. “Yeah, sure. Although I don’t know if I can get through them. I’m starting to feel really sleepy,” he’d explain, smiling sheepishly at you.

“That’s okay. I told you the Ativan would probably make you tired. Would you rather go lay down?” you’d ask. You’d glance over at Saeyoung for a moment, noticing that your boyfriend had also drifted off to sleep apparently. He was drooling on your other shoulder, and you had to stifle a giggle so as to not wake him.

Saeran would look over to his twin, laughing a little at the sight of him draped over you like he was. His arm was still wrapped around Saeran as well. Even if the younger twin wanted to get up, he was pretty sure he couldn’t. “No, it’s okay. I can wait. Go ahead and tell me what the next step is.”

“Two things you can smell. I understand if it’s a harder one to answer though.”  
  
A soft laugh would come from Saeran, shocking you. “I’d say that’s actually one of the easiest ones.”

“Oh? Go ahead and tell me what those two things are then,” you’d say with a smile, wanting to encourage Saeran to speak more.

“The first,” he’d start, holding up one finger as he did so, “is Saeyoung’s awful Honey Buddha Chip breath.” The two of you would laugh, shaking Saeyoung awake. He’d give the two of you a confused look for a moment, but ended up not caring enough to ask. Instead, the older twin would sleepily nuzzle back against you, closing his eyes again. Saeran would raise up a second finger then, obviously preparing to tell you more of his thoughts. “The second.. is that really nice vanilla scent that always seems to be on you.”

“Always?” you’d tease, prompting Saeran’s face to go bright red, matching his hair.

“Yes! Always! It drives me nuts...” his voice would raise as he answered you, throwing his hands up in the air. You’d chuckle at his response before pulling him close to you again, placing a kiss on each of his bright red cheeks. When you pulled away, Saeran immediately had his face in his hands, clearly trying to hide his embarrassment from you.

“And out comes the second Choimato,” you’d say matter-of-factly, sticking your tongue out at Saeran.

“Ch-choimato?!” Saeran would stutter out, his voice a small whine.

“Choi tomato,” Saeyoung would mumble out, opening one eye to look at his brother. “And she’s absolutely right. You are a Choimato right now.”

“I still don’t know what that is! You two are terrible,” Saeran would whimper, still trying desperately to hide his face. You’d giggle again, smiling brightly at the younger twin.

“It’s just a nickname I came up with for Saeyoung a while back. He was blushing just as hard as you are right now and I joked that he was a tomato because his face matched his hair. And then I sort of just blurted out ‘Choimato’... and the rest is history,” you’d explain, gently petting your boyfriend’s hair in the same way you were still doing to Saeran with your other hand.

“That is... absolutely ridiculous. Never call me that again,” Saeran would say, glaring at you. He wasn’t actually mad, he just didn’t appreciate the sudden teasing.

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry, Saeran,” you’d say, stifling another giggle. “How about I give you the last step then?”

Saeran wouldn’t respond, still glaring at you, though his gaze had definitely softened some. He waited expectantly for you to speak again, and sighed when it seemed like you weren’t going to. “Go ahead?” he’d finally prompt you. His cheeks weren’t quite as red anymore, but, he could feel they were still rather warm and he wanted literally anything else to focus on.

“One thing you can taste.” Somehow, those words have Saeran’s face bright red again. Probably because his first thought was something that he absolutely shouldn’t say, and especially not with his brother leaning on your shoulder. He couldn’t tell if Saeyoung was asleep again, but, Saeran could take no risks. His eyes wandered to stare at your lips. They looked so soft, and he wondered for a moment if they would taste like anything. The slight pout of them was so, so tempting. He would look up again, however, to see that you were looking right back at him. You gave him a confused look, one eyebrow raised curiously.

“Uhh... strawberry ice cream? It’s my favourite. We have some in the freezer right now,” the words would rush out of his mouth, and he hoped desperately that you wouldn’t question him further. But, of course, things could never go as he hoped they would.

“That’s not really what you wanted to say, was it?” you asked, your voice a whisper. You weren’t sure how he’d respond, but, you were unsurprised when he looked away from you, his mint eyes narrowing in frustration. He’d sigh again, raising one hand to rest against his forehead.

“No, of course not! But what I  _want_  to say, I  _can’t_!” he’d shout, raising his hands again.

“Damn it, Saeran, just kiss her already,” Saeyoung would grumble, causing you both to jump slightly.

“Wh-what?” both you and Saeran would stutter out. Your faces heating up as you stared over at the older twin.

“It’s really obvious that’s what he wants to do. If it helps anything, I can understand why. You’ve been comforting him and helping him come down from that anxiety attack, if I were him I’d want to kiss you right about now, too,” your boyfriend would explain, leaning up again and rubbing the sleep from his eyes with one hand.

“Saeyoung...” you’d start before he’d cut you off with a shake of his head.

“I love you both. And, while I’m not exactly keen on this... being a regular thing... I’m okay with him getting it out of his system if it helps. But, if you’re not okay with it, MC, then you of course have final say,” Saeyoung would say, giving you a quick peck on the lips himself.

Saeran would look away from you when you looked towards him, clearly not sure what to think of this situation. On the one hand, his brother was right. He desperately wanted to kiss you. On the other hand... “No. I’m not kissing your girlfriend, Saeyoung. Even  _if_  I want to, that doesn’t make it okay,” Saeran would hiss out. “Stop being a moron.”

You would let out a sigh, not totally sure how to respond to this whole situation. You weren’t even sure how you ended up in this situation in the first place. Saeran looked frustrated, and Saeyoung... Saeyoung looked very unsure of himself right now. “I may not think that a kiss on the forehead or a kiss on the cheek is intimate. But, what you’re implying right now? That is, Saeyoung. No. That’s not happening,” you’d say, your voice firm. You’d put a hand to your boyfriend’s face, forcing him to look at you. You’d lean your forehead against his and stare him right in his gorgeous, golden eyes. “I also know for a fact that that’s not what you want, anyways. So, please don’t try to force yourself to be okay with that. Got it?”

“O-okay...” he’d respond, clearly in shock over the force in your voice.

“Good, now... how about we all get to bed? While I’m not going to kiss your brother, I do think he deserves to be snuggled right about now. And, our bed is big enough for three anyways,” you’d suggest.

“Now that I can agree with.”

Saeran blushed hard again, but, made no attempt to dissuade you. Clearly, the two of you had made up your minds on that part of things, and, well... He wouldn’t say no to still being held by the two of you for a while. Before you all went to lay down though, you made a point of getting Saeran’s arms cleaned up. The rubbing alcohol being rubbed over the cuts his fingernails had made stung, and he flinched, but, he knew you were doing it so they wouldn’t get infected. You’d wrap some bandages around one arm, while Saeyoung wrapped the other. Saeran said nothing as the two of you worked, appreciating the care the two of you were showing him. “Thank you,” he’d whisper out, earning him a hug from you and his brother once the bandages were in place.

Once in the bedroom, you and Saeyoung made the decision that Saeran was to sleep between the two of you. That way, if his anxiety came back to any degree (which, you had a feeling it would when he woke up in a room other than his own), he could at the very least feel like he was safe with you two. It felt weird having your boyfriend’s twin in between the two of you, but, in the end, it just felt nice knowing that Saeran had made some progress today. You hoped that he’d remember the steps you walked him through if things got bad again, but, you also knew that you’d happily walk him through them again if he needed.

Saeran wasn’t sure how this all had ended up happening, but, when the three of you climbed into bed... he was happy to find himself nestled in between you and his brother. Both of you snuggled up against him, helping him to continue feeling that love that he felt from the two of you earlier. Sure, it wasn’t a kiss, but... it was something. With his anxiety attack forgotten about, Saeran allowed himself to enjoy this simple, quiet moment, and appreciate it for what it was. A simple step towards further recovery. If he had the two of you by his side, he could do anything.

The three of you would drift off to sleep quickly. You knew you’d all probably have to have a big long talk about what had happened in the morning, but, for now... all the three of you knew was the warmth of the others, and that’s all that was important.


End file.
